Interpersonal conflicts are very commonly seen in every aspects of daily life. Some people do not even realize there is interpersonal conflict even though the conflict is actually happening. Some try to do something to eliminate the conflict while others just sit there and have no idea how to deal with them. Solving interpersonal conflicts effectively is one of the most important components of effective interpersonal skills. To me personally, being able to solve interpersonal conflicts brings better interpersonal relationships, less frustration and brighter mood everyday. However, life sometimes just does not work out the way we want it to be. Here is a real story between my ex-roommate and me that really troubled me for a long time and I would really like to share it with the rest.
I have a friend whom I have known for three years. We lived together in a double room in our second year of university. We are doing the same major and had a lot of courses together. We used to be quite close after spending a whole year of living together and cooperating in study. Everything seemed to be fine except that sometimes when I called him, he just did not answer the phone. After hearing some other friends’ feedbacks, it seemed that it his habit to ignore other people’s phone calls At first this really irritated me but then I feel relieved when I heard the feedback because it did not just happen to me.
Then there came an extreme case where I was totally lost. During the summer vacation he went overseas for a summer program. We were supposed to check in to the new hostel by a fix date but he could not return on time. Therefore he passed me his matriculation card before he left. One night before the day he returned to Singapore, he emailed me asking me to check in for him the next day. There was only one sentence in the email and the exact timing of his return was not mentioned. I had a part-time job to do the next day. When I checked my cell phone during lunch break i received a miss call from him and a message saying that he was back. He was looking for me to get back his matriculation card so that he could check in during office hours. When I called back several times, there was not response at all.
When I rushed back later that day, skipping dinner, hoping to return matric to him earlier, I called him a few times. Again there was no response. When I called again three hours later, he finally picked up the phone. He told me that he was just with another friend who stayed a few rooms away from mine and he did not notice the phone ringing. The manner he spoke seemed to me that he did not care at all.
I was really sad about this and felt sorry for him. What should I do? I could not control my anger and feeling of being disappointed. How should I deal with people with such habits?
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5 comments:
Hey Baoqing, if I'm not wrong, all telco companies have free incoming calls regardless of your mobile plans. But if your roommate is a foreigner, probably that doesn't apply to him. I guess you should find an opportunity to have a face-to-face talk with him and find out his reasons for not picking up calls rather than pronouncing him guilty based on hearsays. If he has financial or other difficulties, I think it will be reasonable to pardon his mistakes. If not, probably both of you can discuss how to contact each other, probably by smses which I think will be relatively cheaper. Just some suggestions. Hope it helps! =)
thanks huiling for the helpful suggestions!
i dont think he has any financial difficulty. As far as i konw, his family is a middle-class family in China. He is using pre-paid sim card. I dont mean to be rude but the problem is that he does not act as a capable person that is responsible for his actions. He relies almost everything on his parents,including buying clothes, shoes, and most decisions of his life.
Besides, it usually took days for him to reply sms. Worst of all, sometimes i just cannot expect reply from him.
Dear Baoqing,
From your post and your response to Huiling's comment on your blog post, I do feel that your friend is probably being "over-protected' from his parents.
His habit of not returning calls or returning calls hours later is certainly not the way to achieve effective communication between friends.
I would probably suggest you to discuss among your common friends and try to come up with a solution to help him overcome his bad habit of not picking up calls.
After coming up with the best possible solution, try to find a time to relay your concern to him about his bad habit either personally or as a group. Hopefully, he will be able to relay his problem (if he have any) that could explain his behaviour.
Hope my suggestions helps.
Best regards,
Danny.
Hi Bao!
I have experience with friends who are not responsive through handphones too. They may not reply sms on time and would totally ignore calls.
Adding up to Huiling and Danny, how you "confront" him also depends on your relationship with him. How much do you want him to improve?
Are you frustrated because you have to contact him most of the time? Or are you concerned about how other people will view him with such habits in the future? Some people do not accept criticism open-heartedly, especially when they have multiple interpersonal problems. So, you may want to prepare yourself for any changes in your relationship at the period of confrontation.
Thanks, Baoqing. This is a well explained scenario. The problem, however, is not something you will be able to do much about, since it involves your friend's own behavior. Hui Ling has provided a fine approach, but ultimately whether he answers phone calls is his choice.
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